What is a ‘Couch Auction’?
Although ‘Couch Auctions’ have been around for a good bit of time, the idea of having Facebook groups devoted solely to them didn’t really begin until late November/December of 2017. These groups were filled with fellow furniture hunters who, upon sharing a Facebook Live stream, would begin asking unsuspecting hosts about a fictional couch that they were selling. The first focus of these Couch Auctions centered on ‘Pearl Party Live’ Hosts, which is a loose term to describe a growing movement on Facebook Live involving the sale of cheap trinkets by elderly women in a quasi-affiliate marketing scheme. These women would sell pearl jewelry, trinkets, and even ‘shuck’ on the Live video. Shucking is essentially the live mutilation of an oyster by these salespeople in hopes of gaining a quick sale.
On the surface, these women seemed nice and sweet. But this was simply not a reality, as these women engaged in predatory Pearl-selling practices that involved marking the price of Pearls up by over 400%. They had to be taken care of, and couch auctions were the way to do that. After a Pearl Party/Live Video is shared, the trolls move in; asking for a variety of couch-related furniture and referring to the Craigslist ad posted by Ashanti Johnson. If the hosts gave us trouble, we would threaten to contact our two agencies, the:
American Auctioneering Association of America (AAAA) and Couch Protective Services (CPS)
In the Heat of the Auction
Most times, the hosts of the Facebook Live become quite flustered upon being inundated with a large volume of frugal furniture hunters. Couple this with the misgendering of them+their confidants, petty insults, call-outs, and other trolling methodologies, and you have yourself an angry, 50-70-year-old woman who was sure to entertain. When Pearl Parties began to slowly develop an understanding of the ‘Block’ button, they became harder and harder to hit, prompting us to shift our focus to ALL forms of Facebook Live Videos.
Not to mention, the Pearl Community had been pretty battered by Couch Gang, as just about every group of Pearl Sellers would post daily about an infestation of ‘Couch Trolls’. Our impact had been felt, and we were only just beginning. Today, Couch Auctions occur in just about every mode of Facebook. Live Videos, Hood #TTM videos, Political talk shows, family gatherings-turned-public, alien re-enactments, etc.
Our Goal: Either purchase a couch or get the host to place a shoe on their head.
The Shoe-On-Head is a staple in the Couch Gang movement, as it is an essential “out” for the hosts. Couch Gang, above all, is a group of relentless, vicious, and most importantly, empathetic, trolls. Thus, you will not see Couch Gang engaging in ‘bullying’. Rather, we actually LEAVE a trolling mission if the host PLACES A SHOE ON THEIR HEAD.
This is where we need to hold up our end of the bargain. If the host places a shoe on their head, they’ve done what we have asked. From there, as a unit, we move out to the next job, as there are clearly more pressing videos to hit than a host who is placing a shoe on their head after being told to by strangers.
If you are new to the Couch Movement, we welcome you to our growing revolution. Spawning as a result of a growing politically correct, post-modern society, it is important to ensure our counter-movement stays strong.
WE ARE THE COUNTER CULTURE.